When You Know “It’s Enough”

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There are seasons in life when you have to say, “This is enough!”

We build a relationship to last. We invest love and care and tears sometimes. Commitment is a serious thing. But when the abuse creeps in and when cheating goes on, there are not too many alternatives.

I learned that:

1.  TIMING IS IMPORTANT – Don’t make a drastic decision because of an emotional impulse. Give yourself time to think to God and pray about it.

2. TELL YOUR SPOUSE WHAT IS GOING TO BE – I was afraid of my husband because he abused me in every way for many years. But I was also telling him that if he wouldn’t stop hurting me, I would divorce him.

3. MOM, DON’T LEAVE YOUR CHILDREN BEHIND – I know you need miracles as money, housing and support in order to survive by yourself caring for your children. There are miracles ahead of you. Pray to God. I lived marveling of how we made it through another day.

4.  A MAN CAN’T FIX YOUR LIFE. GOD CAN. – I had girlfriends who dived into a new relationship pretty fast after their divorce. Most of them were hurt again. Let your life settle. Give yourself time to heal. Healing brings clear mind. Focus on the little joys with your children, family and friends.

5. JESUS IS REAL. HE IS NEAR. He kept me sane through the trial. He kept away the predators. He helped me and my children in every specific aspect. We prayed for food, He sent somebody with groceries. We prayed for the bills to be paid, He came up with resources. Other people sent us on vacations, in camps, and even abroad.

Life is precious. Live it well.

 

 

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When Divorce Shakes the House

download (2)Why it’s so hard?

This shout is bubbling up in the chest of many who suffer in their marriage. I wouldn’t touch this subject if I wouldn’t have been there. I wouldn’t bring it up just like that, but I have friends who suffer and don’t know where to turn to.

He says, ” she wants the divorce.”

She says, “he wants the divorce.”

He says ,”she has somebody else.”

She says, “he has somebody else.”

Some are in an abusing relationship.

The alienation between the two doesn’t fall down like a bomb, at least not most of the time. The separation starts well before somebody can see it. But the two can feel it. They know something is not right. And when something is not right today, tomorrow and the day after tomorrow, it has to be addressed.

Where can she go when he already closed all their bank accounts? What are the kids going to eat during the long time when the law would settle the financial issues? There are questions that need answers. There is heavy desperation. There are the nasty feelings of abandonment.

I’m not a marriage counselor, but women in difficulty come to talk to me.

We sit together and evaluate the broken pieces. Sometimes we just sob. And pray. Then we start to see what’s the next step. There are so many scenarios.

He left.

She left.

He is an alcoholic and destroying their marriage through violence and abuse.

She got sick. He packed his bags and moved in with his mistress.

His business prospered. He went to live the life of his dream.

Money, affairs, pride, abuse…They split the union.

Counseling can help restore a relationship if both want the restoration. I know people who made it. I know others who didn’t. I and my ex-husband were in counseling, but it didn’t work.

I want to bring up a few things that can help your relationship.

1. Depart from the bad influence. I knew a family who had to move to be far from one of the mother’s interference. Others had to put an end to a particular family friendship.

2. Kisses help. Kiss for no reason. He doesn’t need to deserve it. She doesn’t need to deserve it. I remember a man I admire, and he used to teach us this principle almost every single time.

3. Don’t wait for things to go from bad to worse until you ask for assistance. Revealing your pain can be hard, but better be hard now than latter. It’s easier to resuscitate somebody who fainted than somebody in clinical death.

4. If you believe in prayer, pray. Ask many to pray for you and with you.

No matter the outcome, don’t abandon hope.

Don’t want to die.

There is precious life ahead of you.

You Handle the Switch, Man

images (6)I was teaching a workshop years ago after my divorce and I showed a picture to the public.

It was a professional picture of myself that was taken in a photo shop while I was young and still married. I wore my best dress, I was supposed to look the best I could.

After many years, when I found that photo and saw my eyes, I was shocked.

I LOOKED LIKE SOMEBODY SWITCHED OFF THE LIGHT INSIDE ME.

We didn’t have the technology to show that picture large, on a screen, so the audience passed it around. The room got quiet. It took a while until the people could talk and somebody asked me out loud:

“What did he do to you?”

1. FEAR OF HIM

That switches off the light and brings trembling. Sadly, this didn’t happen only in the eighteen century.

2. UNTRUE ACCUSATIONS

They burden and crook the soul.

3. ABUSE OF ALL KINDS

They take away any hope and open the door to suicide.

Now, when I see women with that kind of look, my heart aches. We are able to carry heavy stuff and handle it well when the light inside us is on. But darkness kills.

Despair, fear, abuse, they shrink life.

It took many years for me to recover and have the light shining inside me again.

Handling the switch is a great responsibility.